it's been a few months...

i guess when things are going "ok", the need for this outlet isn't as great. especially since i try to keep up with friends on nancies. but, alas, things are falling apart again.

the hubby went away for awhile. not sure where, but i guess to try to do some soul searching as to what we should do about our marriage. however, he leaves us in a lurch again because where ever he is, he's certainly not working. so that means we'll get even more behind than we already are.

i'm thinking, how do you work so hard to get a marriage back after almost losing it, then almost ten years later, be in the same spot of possibly losing it again? i feel like the hubby needs help. i don't know exactly what it is, but i know his brother's death had a lot to do with it. i just wish i could explain it, but i can't.

maybe we just need to be separated for now. i wish there wasn't such a financial consequence so we could just focus on what our marriage needs...but we so desperately need all the income we can get.

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

maybe i'll come back later...can't seem to get anything else out right now.