he's home...

he got home about 4:30 this morning. that is the only news i have at the moment. i'm off to drink coffee and get showered...it's gonna be a strange day, i think.

day five...

well, it's 6:08pm and still no hubby.

and no word from the brother in maryland...i kinda thought maybe he'd call us after the hubby left to let us know he was on the road. then again, maybe he just hasn't left.

i'm gonna try not to think about it (yeah.)

day four...

the hubby is still gone. good news is he is at his brother's place in an adjoining state, safe. the word from his brother is he is planning to come home tomorrow, but we'll see. i'm not real secure in counting on anything at this point.

so i guess i'll just have to wait and see what he concluded by being away, and if he's open to getting some counseling for himself. i can't really have too much of a plan without knowing what his place is going to be when he gets back.

one day and one step at a time. i will enjoy (in a strange way) the quiet tonight before having to deal with this tomorrow...assuming he does come home.

it's been a few months...

i guess when things are going "ok", the need for this outlet isn't as great. especially since i try to keep up with friends on nancies. but, alas, things are falling apart again.

the hubby went away for awhile. not sure where, but i guess to try to do some soul searching as to what we should do about our marriage. however, he leaves us in a lurch again because where ever he is, he's certainly not working. so that means we'll get even more behind than we already are.

i'm thinking, how do you work so hard to get a marriage back after almost losing it, then almost ten years later, be in the same spot of possibly losing it again? i feel like the hubby needs help. i don't know exactly what it is, but i know his brother's death had a lot to do with it. i just wish i could explain it, but i can't.

maybe we just need to be separated for now. i wish there wasn't such a financial consequence so we could just focus on what our marriage needs...but we so desperately need all the income we can get.

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

maybe i'll come back later...can't seem to get anything else out right now.