it's rainy, i'm sleepy...

yaaawn....why oh why must i be so sleepy? i hate when i'm at my desk at work and my eyelids and i are fighting over whether they should close or stay open. i just wanna put my head down on the desk and snooze just for 20 minutes. wouldn't it be grand???

i'm tired of feeling blah. about two weeks after moving in, i felt so much better to have it behind me. with each day, i felt a little better and even started smiling and dancing again. now, for some reason, i just feel blah. i'm kinda sad. i guess part is pms...and thankfully flo just came so that should get better. the other part is the issues with my hubby. i wish i could talk to him, but it seems to get us nowhere. instead of feeling angry right now, i just feel defeated. we have the same old issues. i just don't know how much longer i can deal with it.

i'm tired...wanna close my eyes...wanna drift away...

empty apathy...

i didn't think i'd come here to write anything, i don't know, i guess because i usually communicate with friends, it helps to have them listen. i guess right now, i just don't really want to have a discussion, i just feel like i need to get my thoughts out. plus, after awhile, a subject just seems to be going nowhere, and there really doesn't seem to be anything anyone can say to make it any better. i guess except for one person, and that is the person who my issue is with.

i'm feeling so empty in one way. i mean, my life is very full in many ways, i have two beautiful children, for whom i am always grateful for. i am incredibly blessed. there is much more, including wonderful friends and family, the fact that i have a job, transportation, a home (although it's not really mine, but i do have a nice place to live). however, there are some things that continually haunt you for what feels like a lifetime...always resurfacing because it's just never been resolved.

this may all seem so "nothing" to other people, i understand that, but this is my life. it matters to me.

i don't really feel like writing anymore right now. hopefully typing this out will get it out of my brain enough for me to enjoy the day. it is beautiful out and we have a picnic to attend later today with my coworkers. you can imagine he's real thrilled about that. but, at least he's going.

Um....

howdy - don't know what i'm saying here, i really just wanted to setup an account so i could post a reply to my friend's blog! lol...

who knows, maybe i'll come back here and post some thoughts sometime.