sunday morning...
good morning...it's been awhile, yes? seems each day my life is different, i'm not even sure yet what my reality is. it's odd. but, the good news is, at the moment, things are quite good. last sunday, a mere week ago, we broke out the christmas decorations and for the most part, it went fine. i had hoped my hubby would be more active in participating, but he only did a couple things. then we had a "talk" later in the afternoon, which was pretty sad, but honest. i had a good cry afterwards, he went to his dad's to lend him our ladder, then returned about 30 minutes later. from that point on, it's almost as if the old "hubby" has returned. like he left one person and returned another. or, in his words from a conversation last night, it's like he turned the page and started living his life again. it has been soooo nice. i can't even explain it except to say he's part of our lives again, willingly and seemingly happily.
the counseling session we went to a few weeks ago was like an evaluation session, to summarize. we basically discussed the big picture of our problems, the counselor shot straight with the hubby and basically ended up with saying "i think she's gonna leave if things stay the same." the counselor recommended marital counseling (which the hubby agreed to), gave us a few names to call, and we went on our way. the first week was very hard...just me feeling very miserable, very sad and unhappy, angry yet apathetic at the same time. i just felt like i didn't care, even though i knew i did.
then the second week, as i mentioned above, has been a 180 degree turnaround. i'm still pursuing the counseling, although the damn office has yet to call me back even though i've placed two calls to the new patient coordinator (voice mail!) i'm not foolish enough to think everything will just be ok. i know the hubby needs some counseling to deal with his continuing grief over his brother's death. the anniversary of his death was this past friday, the 10th. very hard day for him, but he came around the next day, which i was very grateful for.
in other mind-blowing news, an incredible group of amazing, generous, loving people from my office got together and donated $500 dollars so that i could buy christmas presents for the kids. i was absolutely stunned and blown away...i just can't believe it. i just can't believe, that even though i don't discuss my personal life at work, somehow they knew enough of my struggles to realize i wasn't able to buy "real" presents for the kids this year. even more, i can't believe that people could be so generous with their own hard-earned money to give so much to me and my family. yes, my kids will have wonderful presents to open christmas morning, but thanks to them, i have received an invaluable gift - the gift of seeing the true, loving spirit of christmas for myself.
SIDE NOTE: the christmas song just came on the radio - i'm all tingly and tearful...what amazing timing!!!!!!!
the love of God is truly shining on me...all the prayers of my wonderful family and friends have really done incredible things and i am eternally grateful.
oh, the entire family went to a christmas program (play/cantata) last night at my uncle's church - it was great! it was a huge baptist church so there was a very large orchestra and choir, plus dancers - it was great. it felt SO good to do something meaningful as a family.
well, today my cousin and her two kids are coming over to decorate gingerbread men and make christmas sweatshirts. i hope it will be a fun afternoon. but before then, i need to get showered, go to the store and get a few supplies, and also items for dinner tonight.
until next time, peace and love...
posted by tears fall like rain @ 8:05 AM
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